The Bike Bail

For someone who claims to have great balance and coordination, I sure am full of shit.

Last Friday night, Simon, Jackie and I went for a bike ride to check out The Fair, an international contemporary art exhibit at the Waldorf Hotel.  We followed it up with a few drinks at the electric Tiki bar.  When we had had enough of drinking booze out of a coconut, we set out to meet Rich and Dave, also on bikes, at Crab park.

Riding along the sidewalk only about 20 meters in, I brilliantly tried to give two drunk guys walking* toward us a high five (*one was carrying the other over his shoulder, legs dangling in front).  Not able to navigate my high five attempt AND getting around them in what little space I had on the sidewalk, I bumped into the drunks, lost control of my bike and fell flat onto the street.  BOOM.  The pain shot through my knee, rendering me temporarily crippled.  Despite the overwhelming pain, what ensued was amazing: the drunks jokingly accused me of sexual harassment.  Talking a mile a minute, the carrier said “I know you were trying to slap my friend’s ass but we’re not going to press charges on you.  Since you’re hurt.  Even though you tried to touch my friend’s ass, which is totally sexual harassment.”  They went on for what seemed like an hour but was probably only 5 minutes all while I was bleeding through my pretty polka dot tights too broken to walk.  My crew and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  Not even for them to ask me if I was OK.  It could have been annoying but it was hilarious…I couldn’t have picked a better set of 20-year olds to assault.  I think the conversation with those dudes made the bail worth it.  Now I want to find them and be their friend.

The story doesn’t end here.  Because I was too hurt to ride, my friend Jackie lent me her hybrid bike. I rode around the city on the electric setting like a grumpy grandma in a shopping mall.  It got me to where I needed to go…thanks Jackie!

The next morning in my inbox was an email from Rich with a link to a law firm that defends against sexual harassment charges.  See, totally worth the bail.  The scrapes and bruises have almost healed but the jokes will no doubt live on for the entire summer.


8 Comments on “The Bike Bail”

  1. Jessica says:

    I just picture you riding around town like this after your crash-
    But with a leather dress and high heels on.

  2. Katie says:

    Bahaha! This is why I love you Gemelli!

  3. nuggs says:

    How about the drunk jock in gastown hailing you like a taxi cab?

    “Dude, you can’t double on that”

    “But she’s got a motor, man!”

  4. CopyCat says:

    Riding a hybrid bike is called cheating in my world!! ;P
    Anyway funny story. If I don’t fall of my bike, I haven’t ridden it at all.
    Last week, I was acting all cool on my bike as I usually do trying to show all does young lots on how to drive a bike in a “cool manner” LMAO .
    I was jumping obstacles as if they were nothing. Then I saw a mega sidewalk that was a bit higher than the other ones I jumped on. I gave it a go and that second when you hear that laughing voice in your head “FAIL!” you know your no going to make it, while on your left side the road is pack jammed with cars (in the middle of rush hour) I just heard my tire squeak and I knew that I was going to make it on top of the sidewalk but I would fall as soon as I would touch it.
    So right in the middle of about 20 cars, next to a garbage container, which had garbage around it, I fell on my whole left side.
    Since I have fallen a billion times, I just gave up that battle and said, **ck it and let go and let my self just FLOP on my left side, laughed got up, brushes the garbage of my body and continued to ride on!
    The local Gipsies looked at me worried I was like, got not time for this worry off to have a life!

    LMAO hahahha remember bike = interesting moments.. just try not to break anything ;))

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